Thursday, May 6, 2010

Return of Summer, Return of Self

With that last blog post, I think I recaptured something I have been missing for the past two years. The summer after I graduated from high school was a golden summer; I don’t think I have ever enjoyed living so much. I thought I was on top of the world, knew all there was to know, left a trail of golden dust in my own image as I walked by. I thought that anything I touched became beautiful, that I only had to speak and everyone would fall at my feet in paroxysms of awe because I was so intelligent and knew how to write poetry, knew how to elicit an emotive response.

I went away to college, and college taught me a thing or two about my intelligence. Needless to say, I’m not as smart as I thought I was. I feel though, that I’m regaining the eye I had, the mentality I existed in during that golden summer, only without as much pride. I have a better sense of my place. I know there are people who speak and every word they say may be nonsense, or where beautiful words like, “she walks along the edge of where the ocean meets the land just like she’s walking on wire in a circus” is part of the daily lexicon. Perhaps it is the prospect of another summer, and my belief that everything is right in the world is simply the transition of spring to summer and all the endless possibilities which existed with the concept of “summer” in it. Perhaps this summer, with the hope of time to think and reflect, will be another golden one.

It’s good to feel like myself again, the self I had once lost sight of. I’m me again, or more me than I was for a while.

Also, for those who thought my last post was a little somber: “Death is an illusion, and so are pants,” Hue from Avatar the Last Airbender.

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