
All too soon, it was time to go back to college, and the semester started off at breakneck speed. Halfway through the semester, my computer crashed. Despite a techie friend’s attempt and a recovery professional’s assessment, recovering the data from the old computer’s hard drive would cost a pretty penny. The price climbed too quickly for my tastes just as my disappointment spiraled downward. Needless to say, I did not take the loss of my hard drive well; it had three years’ worth of photographs, music, and Word documents. Luckily, though, I had sent an e-mail of my typescript to my brother, so I was able to recover almost everything of that story – I’ll call it the N document. However, I did not recover the parts that I had put in spontaneously without writing them in my notebook first. For two months, even the prospect of writing was depressing. Now with unstructured time yet a lot of things to do in that time, I turn back to this creative writing project.

At the beginning of the process of recapturing what I had written, I was not too thrilled. Trying to write what I had lost was like trying to make my baby teeth grow in again: painful, impossible, felt wholly unnecessary. I took out my R.S.V.P. Fine point pen and my Moleskine with the triskele sticker on it and began to write. (Actually, I pulled up the distribution of all the last names from a genealogical survey performed some time ago. At the point of the story I’m working on, there is an influx of characters, and I needed a gallery of ready-made character names from which to draw. They’re not terribly important in the story, and I enjoy making up names like Cylus Killary, Teigen Sivret Dunseith, and Mintaly Ehle. With an arsenal of names, I started writing, and the writing was good.) Instead of thinking that I have to rewrite and recapture perfectly what I had written, I decided to move forward knowing that I had already written it once, and now was an opportunity to remember and expand upon what I wrote the first time, making it better and better. I felt myself to be a creative, generative force, and rewriting has only unlocked that realization.
Rewriting in my notebook the ten pages I lost has been good for me, food and fodder for my imagination. If only I had thought that a few hours ago; my potential, my imaginative creation of the world felt like it had left me, and I probably treated my brother and his problems with indelicacy. A few hours ago, my outlook seemed pretty grim; now it is a bit more rose-colored. And I’m still ignoring the fact that I don’t know how to speak Spanish.
On an unrelated note, I saw one of my old French teachers today. Speaking French is like swimming in a kiddie pool; trying to learn Spanish is like a piece of (spoony) driftwood trying to swim against a riptide.

Other credits: "The Long Leg," Edward Hopper
Oooh! I hope the writing goes well -- and let me know if you're ever willing to let someone else read any of it!
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