It's really happening.
Yesterday my mother e-mailed me my plane ticket reservations for Spain. While she was at it, she also booked my flight home from my semester abroad in Scotland. Barring cataclysmic disasters and invasions of spoony bards, from May 29th until December 19th I won't be in the States.
Yesterday morning, I also woke up to find that someone (Lala, that was totally you) had pinned two magazine pages on the corkboard outside my door. They were ads for Madrid's tourism campaign, "Smile! You're in Madrid." It looks absolutely wonderful. Now all I have to do between then and now is finish my schoolwork - and every night I'll dream of being in Spain.
Also, in other news, The Doctor started a blog! I suppose I should call her "TropeGirl," but I like "The Doctor" better.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Semester Wind-Down
The semester is winding down, April is winding down, and I'm only on my eighth post for the month. Where has all the time gone? I suddenly feel like I'm in a bad action-adventure flick where I'm standing on a ledge and the wall behind me is slowly moving forward, pushing me towards the edge.
It feels like this at every semester's end.
It feels like this at every semester's end.
Friday, April 23, 2010
That was Spoony
Well, that last post was certainly spoony. Here is a reminder as to what "spoony" means. The Oxford English Dictionary had some lovely definitions, but the Merriam-Webster Dictionary's definition was much neater and conveys the sense of the word, so I've put it below.
spoony
\ˈspü-nē\
Function: adjective
Inflected Form(s): spoon·i·er; spoon·i·est
Etymology: English slang spoon simpleton
Date: circa 1812
1 : silly, foolish; especially : unduly sentimental
2 : being sentimentally in love
On a note related to Britain, I saw Oxford's all-male a cappella group, Out of the Blue, perform last night. Merely by virtue of being British, they were amazing. Anything I have to say after that is irrelevant.
spoony
\ˈspü-nē\
Function: adjective
Inflected Form(s): spoon·i·er; spoon·i·est
Etymology: English slang spoon simpleton
Date: circa 1812
1 : silly, foolish; especially : unduly sentimental
2 : being sentimentally in love
On a note related to Britain, I saw Oxford's all-male a cappella group, Out of the Blue, perform last night. Merely by virtue of being British, they were amazing. Anything I have to say after that is irrelevant.
Sharing is Caring: I am Such a Mormon
I seem to be a little late on catching up with my blog. Last Sunday, I gave a talk in Church, and I would like to post the salient bits. The topic I was given was “worthy thoughts.”
Here goes:
In Lewis Carroll’s Through the Looking Glass, Alice, confused at all the goings-on around her, asks the Chesire cat what path she should take. He responds, `That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.’ To this Alice says that she doesn’t really care where she went, and the Cat again responds to her comment, ‘Then it doesn't matter which way you go.”
Unlike Alice, as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I know where I want to go. The ultimate goal of my life is live once again with my Heavenly Father.
Mahatmas K. Ghandi said that “Our beliefs become our thoughts, our thoughts become our words, our words become our actions, our actions become our habits, our habits become our values, and our values become our destiny.” I’m sure many of you have heard this statement before, or at least an iteration of it, and it echoes what we are told in Proverbs 23:7: “for as [a man] thinketh in his heart, so is he.”
In D&C 121:45 it reads, “Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly: then shall they confidence wax strong in the presence of God: and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distil upon thy soul as the dews from heaven.” I want to focus on the part “let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly: then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God.”
I am reminded of D&C 27:15-18, where God says to
Gird up your loins, and take upon you my whole armor, that ye may be able to withstand the evil day, having done all, that ye may be able to stand. 16Stand, therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, having on the breastplate of righteousness, and your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace, which I have sent mine angels to commit unto you; 17Taking the shield of faith wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked; 18And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of my Spirit, which I will pour out upon you, and my word which I reveal unto you, and be agreed as touching all things whatsoever ye ask of me, and be faithful until I come and ye shall be caught up, that where I am ye shall be also.
I had to include all those verses because they are so beautiful and such a wonderful promise. God states right there at the end where we want to be, and isn’t a wonderful promise to be “caught up, that where [He] is, we shall be also”? I can hardly imagine what it would be like to live with God, the most loving being. I imagine comfort and light everywhere, and this overwhelming feeling of love present all the time that I can only ever catch glimpses of. Thoughts orient action, and if I transform my thoughts, my character will also be transformed.
The 13th Article of Faith says: “We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men. Indeed, we may say we follow the admonition of Paul – we believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.”
As a member of the LDS Church, I believe this and try to follow it. I want to be surrounded people who are honest and true, people I can trust.
We have been promised that if we are righteous, we can obtain all that the Father has. But there are reasons why He asks us to be like Him. He is the most perfect being, and we can learn perfection from Him. One way is to try and think the way He would think. Inviting wholesome thoughts into our heads, having and showing concern for our fellow human beings, and thinking about others are some of the ways in which we can think like Him. I don’t think we’ll be perfected for some time yet, but like D&C 93:28 states, “He that keepeth his commandments receiveth truth and light, until he is glorified in truth and knoweth all things.” Even what we term to be “secular” knowledge, like scientific or literary knowledge, are worthy things to think about because God has created and organized our universe.
I personally believe that He must know everything from the metabolic processes in our cells to how the atoms in our bodies arranged to the composition of planets on far sides of our galaxy as well as understand the interactions between humans and the part of Christ that resides within humans. He knows that “truth is beauty, beauty truth” (Keats, Ode on a Grecian Urn). Shakespeare had some understanding of the essential, divine bond between parents and children, because when King Lear has been reunited with his daughter after casting her away, he asks her to
Gladly come away to prison.
We two alone will sing like birds i’ th’ cage.
So we’ll live, and pray, and sing, and tell old
tales, and laugh at gilded butterflies…
And take upon ‘us the mystery of things,
as if we were God’s spies; and we’ll wear out,
In a wall’d prison, packs and sects of great ones
that ebb and flow by th’ moon” (Shakespeare King Lear V.iii),
All that we think about and try discover, God knows already. It is a worthy thing to study the universe, it is a worthy thing to study literature and the productions of the human mind.
“He comprehendeth all things, and all things are before him, and all things round about him; and he is above all things, and in all things, and is through all things, and is round about all things; and all things are by him, and of him, even God, forever and ever” (D&C 88:41).
In addition to keeping thoughts pure – for example, avoiding music with bad lyrics, vulgar movies, and pornography – there are other ways to keep pure thoughts. The following idea has been very relevant to me in my personal life. In my classes, we talk a lot about theories. A lot of people talk about there being no “universal truth,” no “universal right” and that gives license, so it seems, for anyone to do anything (barring killing them or taking away their free will). In speaking in a conference on behavioral science at BYU in 1976, Elder Neal A. Maxwell shared his thoughts about faith and science in the late 20th century. In a world increasingly prone to relativism, he said that
Relativism involves the denial of the existence of absolute truths and, therefore, of an absolute truth-giver, God. Relativism has sometimes been a small, satanic sea breeze, but now the winds of relativism have reached gale proportions. Over a period of several decades relativism has eroded ethics, public and personal, has worn down the will of many, has contributed to a slackening sense of duty, civic and personal. The old mountains of individual morality have been worn down. This erosion has left mankind in a sand-dune society, in a desert of disbelief where there are no landmarks, and no north, no east, no west, and no south!” (Elder Neal A. Maxwell, Some Thoughts on the Gospel and the Behavioral Sciences, Ensign July 1976.)
Sometimes it is tiring to be repeatedly told there is no absolute truth, that only personal truth and fulfillment are important; I believe in God and that he exists, and that there is a right.
Wherever bad thoughts can lead, there is always a way to get back. Boyd K. Packer suggests that music with vulgar lyrics be taken from our music devices, and whenever we hear those lyrics playing in our minds, that we replace them with a hymn. Bruce K. Fordham gave the following analogy in an article in the April 2009 Ensign: “You are standing at the edge of the jungle and know that you must find a way through it. You notice that a path, well worn and easy to travel, has already been cut through the undergrowth for you. But then you notice signs warning of dangers lurking at the end of the path, and even though it appears to be the easiest route, you determine that it might be best to forge your own path. You pull out a machete and start hacking through the thick growth and underbrush. It’s tough work! When you glance up and again notice the path that has already been cut, you become discouraged. But you persevere, eventually carving out your own path. You use it frequently as you traverse the jungle, and in time it becomes the obvious, preferred path. Meanwhile, the original well-worn path—the one with danger at the end—deteriorates from lack of use.”
Boyd K. Packer gives the following story: “Have you noticed that shady little thoughts may creep in from the wings and attract your attention in the middle of almost any performance and without any real intent on your part? These delinquent thoughts will try to upstage everybody. If you permit them to go on, all thoughts of any virtue will leave the stage. You will be left, because you consented to it, to the influence of unrighteous thoughts. … When they have the stage, if you let them, they will devise the most clever persuasions to hold your attention. They can make it interesting all right, even convince you that they are innocent, for they are but thoughts. What do you do at a time like that, when the stage of your mind is commandeered by the imps of unclean thinking, whether they be the gray ones that seem almost clean or the filthy ones that leave no room for doubt? If you can fill your mind with clean and constructive thoughts, then there will be no room for these persistent imps, and they will leave.”
Ultimately, the only thing over which we have control is our minds and actions. The greatest deception comes from Satan, who “promotes the idea that our thoughts control us rather than that we control our thoughts” (Bruce K. Fordham, “Think About What You Are Thinking About”). God has given us our bodies and the ability to think, and He has given us our agency. To do our best by Him, I want to keep worthy thoughts – and my Heavenly Father – constantly on my mind, for where our treasures are, there will our hearts (and thoughts) be also. I want to return to my Heavenly Father, and I must be clean to dwell with him. If I keep my sights set on the final and the ultimate goal, and have Him as my constant thought, I will attain that goal.
Doctor Seuss’ “Oh the Places You’ll Go!”
You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.
Here goes:
In Lewis Carroll’s Through the Looking Glass, Alice, confused at all the goings-on around her, asks the Chesire cat what path she should take. He responds, `That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.’ To this Alice says that she doesn’t really care where she went, and the Cat again responds to her comment, ‘Then it doesn't matter which way you go.”
Unlike Alice, as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I know where I want to go. The ultimate goal of my life is live once again with my Heavenly Father.
Mahatmas K. Ghandi said that “Our beliefs become our thoughts, our thoughts become our words, our words become our actions, our actions become our habits, our habits become our values, and our values become our destiny.” I’m sure many of you have heard this statement before, or at least an iteration of it, and it echoes what we are told in Proverbs 23:7: “for as [a man] thinketh in his heart, so is he.”
In D&C 121:45 it reads, “Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly: then shall they confidence wax strong in the presence of God: and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distil upon thy soul as the dews from heaven.” I want to focus on the part “let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly: then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God.”
I am reminded of D&C 27:15-18, where God says to
Gird up your loins, and take upon you my whole armor, that ye may be able to withstand the evil day, having done all, that ye may be able to stand. 16Stand, therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, having on the breastplate of righteousness, and your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace, which I have sent mine angels to commit unto you; 17Taking the shield of faith wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked; 18And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of my Spirit, which I will pour out upon you, and my word which I reveal unto you, and be agreed as touching all things whatsoever ye ask of me, and be faithful until I come and ye shall be caught up, that where I am ye shall be also.
I had to include all those verses because they are so beautiful and such a wonderful promise. God states right there at the end where we want to be, and isn’t a wonderful promise to be “caught up, that where [He] is, we shall be also”? I can hardly imagine what it would be like to live with God, the most loving being. I imagine comfort and light everywhere, and this overwhelming feeling of love present all the time that I can only ever catch glimpses of. Thoughts orient action, and if I transform my thoughts, my character will also be transformed.
The 13th Article of Faith says: “We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men. Indeed, we may say we follow the admonition of Paul – we believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.”
As a member of the LDS Church, I believe this and try to follow it. I want to be surrounded people who are honest and true, people I can trust.
We have been promised that if we are righteous, we can obtain all that the Father has. But there are reasons why He asks us to be like Him. He is the most perfect being, and we can learn perfection from Him. One way is to try and think the way He would think. Inviting wholesome thoughts into our heads, having and showing concern for our fellow human beings, and thinking about others are some of the ways in which we can think like Him. I don’t think we’ll be perfected for some time yet, but like D&C 93:28 states, “He that keepeth his commandments receiveth truth and light, until he is glorified in truth and knoweth all things.” Even what we term to be “secular” knowledge, like scientific or literary knowledge, are worthy things to think about because God has created and organized our universe.
I personally believe that He must know everything from the metabolic processes in our cells to how the atoms in our bodies arranged to the composition of planets on far sides of our galaxy as well as understand the interactions between humans and the part of Christ that resides within humans. He knows that “truth is beauty, beauty truth” (Keats, Ode on a Grecian Urn). Shakespeare had some understanding of the essential, divine bond between parents and children, because when King Lear has been reunited with his daughter after casting her away, he asks her to
Gladly come away to prison.
We two alone will sing like birds i’ th’ cage.
So we’ll live, and pray, and sing, and tell old
tales, and laugh at gilded butterflies…
And take upon ‘us the mystery of things,
as if we were God’s spies; and we’ll wear out,
In a wall’d prison, packs and sects of great ones
that ebb and flow by th’ moon” (Shakespeare King Lear V.iii),
All that we think about and try discover, God knows already. It is a worthy thing to study the universe, it is a worthy thing to study literature and the productions of the human mind.
“He comprehendeth all things, and all things are before him, and all things round about him; and he is above all things, and in all things, and is through all things, and is round about all things; and all things are by him, and of him, even God, forever and ever” (D&C 88:41).
In addition to keeping thoughts pure – for example, avoiding music with bad lyrics, vulgar movies, and pornography – there are other ways to keep pure thoughts. The following idea has been very relevant to me in my personal life. In my classes, we talk a lot about theories. A lot of people talk about there being no “universal truth,” no “universal right” and that gives license, so it seems, for anyone to do anything (barring killing them or taking away their free will). In speaking in a conference on behavioral science at BYU in 1976, Elder Neal A. Maxwell shared his thoughts about faith and science in the late 20th century. In a world increasingly prone to relativism, he said that
Relativism involves the denial of the existence of absolute truths and, therefore, of an absolute truth-giver, God. Relativism has sometimes been a small, satanic sea breeze, but now the winds of relativism have reached gale proportions. Over a period of several decades relativism has eroded ethics, public and personal, has worn down the will of many, has contributed to a slackening sense of duty, civic and personal. The old mountains of individual morality have been worn down. This erosion has left mankind in a sand-dune society, in a desert of disbelief where there are no landmarks, and no north, no east, no west, and no south!” (Elder Neal A. Maxwell, Some Thoughts on the Gospel and the Behavioral Sciences, Ensign July 1976.)
Sometimes it is tiring to be repeatedly told there is no absolute truth, that only personal truth and fulfillment are important; I believe in God and that he exists, and that there is a right.
Wherever bad thoughts can lead, there is always a way to get back. Boyd K. Packer suggests that music with vulgar lyrics be taken from our music devices, and whenever we hear those lyrics playing in our minds, that we replace them with a hymn. Bruce K. Fordham gave the following analogy in an article in the April 2009 Ensign: “You are standing at the edge of the jungle and know that you must find a way through it. You notice that a path, well worn and easy to travel, has already been cut through the undergrowth for you. But then you notice signs warning of dangers lurking at the end of the path, and even though it appears to be the easiest route, you determine that it might be best to forge your own path. You pull out a machete and start hacking through the thick growth and underbrush. It’s tough work! When you glance up and again notice the path that has already been cut, you become discouraged. But you persevere, eventually carving out your own path. You use it frequently as you traverse the jungle, and in time it becomes the obvious, preferred path. Meanwhile, the original well-worn path—the one with danger at the end—deteriorates from lack of use.”
Boyd K. Packer gives the following story: “Have you noticed that shady little thoughts may creep in from the wings and attract your attention in the middle of almost any performance and without any real intent on your part? These delinquent thoughts will try to upstage everybody. If you permit them to go on, all thoughts of any virtue will leave the stage. You will be left, because you consented to it, to the influence of unrighteous thoughts. … When they have the stage, if you let them, they will devise the most clever persuasions to hold your attention. They can make it interesting all right, even convince you that they are innocent, for they are but thoughts. What do you do at a time like that, when the stage of your mind is commandeered by the imps of unclean thinking, whether they be the gray ones that seem almost clean or the filthy ones that leave no room for doubt? If you can fill your mind with clean and constructive thoughts, then there will be no room for these persistent imps, and they will leave.”
Ultimately, the only thing over which we have control is our minds and actions. The greatest deception comes from Satan, who “promotes the idea that our thoughts control us rather than that we control our thoughts” (Bruce K. Fordham, “Think About What You Are Thinking About”). God has given us our bodies and the ability to think, and He has given us our agency. To do our best by Him, I want to keep worthy thoughts – and my Heavenly Father – constantly on my mind, for where our treasures are, there will our hearts (and thoughts) be also. I want to return to my Heavenly Father, and I must be clean to dwell with him. If I keep my sights set on the final and the ultimate goal, and have Him as my constant thought, I will attain that goal.
Doctor Seuss’ “Oh the Places You’ll Go!”
You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
The Leg Expt: I Am not Alone!
On my first visit to the FLRC with Morwen so that I could learn Spanish, we had to ask the desk worker to help us out with finding the right computers with the requisite software on them. She was wearing a simple, spaghetti-strapped dress, and when she lifted her arms to give us the laptops that had the software, she revealed to us a patch of beautiful brown hair in either pit. She wasn’t afraid to show that she had hair, and neither am I!
For the first time in a long time, I wore a skirt to all of my classes. I didn’t notice other people looking at my legs.
Over the past weekend, I was hanging out with Tiger Lilly and Leto in our dormitory’s kitchen, and Leto made a comment about my leg hair! She said she was trying to grow hers out, too, and that hers wasn’t as long as mine – yet. I came away with the feeling that I had helped someone more confidently express themselves, or at least helped her to know that she was not alone. I believe that everyone needs a little encouragement every now and then. Like the FLRC worker’s role in letting me know I wasn’t alone, I was happy to pass it on and let Leto know she wasn’t alone, either.
For the first time in a long time, I wore a skirt to all of my classes. I didn’t notice other people looking at my legs.
Over the past weekend, I was hanging out with Tiger Lilly and Leto in our dormitory’s kitchen, and Leto made a comment about my leg hair! She said she was trying to grow hers out, too, and that hers wasn’t as long as mine – yet. I came away with the feeling that I had helped someone more confidently express themselves, or at least helped her to know that she was not alone. I believe that everyone needs a little encouragement every now and then. Like the FLRC worker’s role in letting me know I wasn’t alone, I was happy to pass it on and let Leto know she wasn’t alone, either.
Friday, April 16, 2010
The Spanish Expedition: Beginnings
In other news, I have heard back about one of my internships! To make a long story short, I got it! Over Spring Break, I freaked out and searched for internship opportunities. It was 11 pm on Wednesday night of Break, and I was tired because I had been searching for a few hours. I was sitting at the end of my kitchen table, and my Mom sat at the other end. I told her that I was going to apply to this internship in on a whim. My mother encouraged me to do it. “It can’t hurt to apply,” she said.
With that much foreshadowing, I sent in my cover letter and resume about a week later, on a Tuesday, and then by Thursday days, I had received an e-mail. They wanted to interview me! I had no idea what I was doing, so I scheduled the interview for the following day, Friday. In trying to stay on top of my schedule and all the other things I had going on at that time, I barely had enough time to ask my college’s Career Planning and Resources office how to respond. They gave me a few quick pointers, made sure that I had questions to ask the interviewer, too, and then sent me on my merry way.
Friday morning, I set up camp in my dorm’s study room, monopolizing the entire space. I nervously shuffled the index cards I had prepared and skimmed the previous night’s Facebook posts, waiting to receive the call. At 9:10 am my phone buzzed, and the conversation started. My legs were shaking too badly for me to stand, as I had been instructed, and I forget to smile over the phone so that my interviewer could know how enthused I was about the prospective opportunity to work with their company. Apparently I didn’t bungle the interview too badly, because at the end of the interview they offered me the job! I was reeling. My breath had been knocked from my chest: they wanted me. This internship is in Madrid, Spain.
It should be noted that I cannot speak Spanish. However, the company I will be working for is a small startup with international employees. They run a website that is basically a how-to guide to living in a given country; instead of a travel-guide to countries, I’ll be writing and editing living-guides to various countries.
I asked for a week to decide on the internship, and after talking with numerous family and friends, notably MomAndDad and Aunt E, I felt that accepting the internship would be the correct decision to make. I had my parents’ support in this endeavor, as well as my aunt’s advice to rely on. It is incredible how support can change someone’s attitude. I was not sure about going at first because Spain is far away, I don’t speak the language, I don’t know how to get around. But as Cousin Kimber said on Facebook, “This is the time in your life to do it. Even if it is horrible it will be an amazing experience you will remember for the rest of your life with increasing fondness.” I don’t quite know what I’m getting into living abroad, but the parameters of the internship align with the skills I would like to develop. I want to push myself and live in a foreign country, as well, and grow personally. Whatever fears I have about going abroad are nothing in comparison with the experiences I will have there. I almost let my fear get the better of me by entertaining the idea of refusing the offer, but even in accepting the internship I grew. I’m growing. It was wonderful.
Since then, I've figured out my visa situation and gone to the FLRC (Foreign Language Resource Center, pronounced "flurck") with Morwen to learn Spanish with their Rosetta Stone software. I can say, "Ella tiene una manzana roja," "Que' esta' haciendo ella?" and "Ella esta' comiendo una manzana." As you can see, I like apples.
I’m working on housing in Madrid now – I hope to be with either an LDS family or share an apartment with LDS roommates. It would be neat to have that experience; I did not want my entire undergraduate experience to be one at BYU where undoubtedly my roommates would have all been LDS. It would be nice to live for a summer with people who share my values, people with whom I don’t have to explain what I believe or what I do. They already know, they understand, and they do the same things I do.
Also, to all the companies that did not accept me as an intern, I must say that you’re losing a special intern. Especially you, McSweeney’s Internet Tendency.
With that much foreshadowing, I sent in my cover letter and resume about a week later, on a Tuesday, and then by Thursday days, I had received an e-mail. They wanted to interview me! I had no idea what I was doing, so I scheduled the interview for the following day, Friday. In trying to stay on top of my schedule and all the other things I had going on at that time, I barely had enough time to ask my college’s Career Planning and Resources office how to respond. They gave me a few quick pointers, made sure that I had questions to ask the interviewer, too, and then sent me on my merry way.
Friday morning, I set up camp in my dorm’s study room, monopolizing the entire space. I nervously shuffled the index cards I had prepared and skimmed the previous night’s Facebook posts, waiting to receive the call. At 9:10 am my phone buzzed, and the conversation started. My legs were shaking too badly for me to stand, as I had been instructed, and I forget to smile over the phone so that my interviewer could know how enthused I was about the prospective opportunity to work with their company. Apparently I didn’t bungle the interview too badly, because at the end of the interview they offered me the job! I was reeling. My breath had been knocked from my chest: they wanted me. This internship is in Madrid, Spain.
It should be noted that I cannot speak Spanish. However, the company I will be working for is a small startup with international employees. They run a website that is basically a how-to guide to living in a given country; instead of a travel-guide to countries, I’ll be writing and editing living-guides to various countries.
I asked for a week to decide on the internship, and after talking with numerous family and friends, notably MomAndDad and Aunt E, I felt that accepting the internship would be the correct decision to make. I had my parents’ support in this endeavor, as well as my aunt’s advice to rely on. It is incredible how support can change someone’s attitude. I was not sure about going at first because Spain is far away, I don’t speak the language, I don’t know how to get around. But as Cousin Kimber said on Facebook, “This is the time in your life to do it. Even if it is horrible it will be an amazing experience you will remember for the rest of your life with increasing fondness.” I don’t quite know what I’m getting into living abroad, but the parameters of the internship align with the skills I would like to develop. I want to push myself and live in a foreign country, as well, and grow personally. Whatever fears I have about going abroad are nothing in comparison with the experiences I will have there. I almost let my fear get the better of me by entertaining the idea of refusing the offer, but even in accepting the internship I grew. I’m growing. It was wonderful.
Since then, I've figured out my visa situation and gone to the FLRC (Foreign Language Resource Center, pronounced "flurck") with Morwen to learn Spanish with their Rosetta Stone software. I can say, "Ella tiene una manzana roja," "Que' esta' haciendo ella?" and "Ella esta' comiendo una manzana." As you can see, I like apples.
I’m working on housing in Madrid now – I hope to be with either an LDS family or share an apartment with LDS roommates. It would be neat to have that experience; I did not want my entire undergraduate experience to be one at BYU where undoubtedly my roommates would have all been LDS. It would be nice to live for a summer with people who share my values, people with whom I don’t have to explain what I believe or what I do. They already know, they understand, and they do the same things I do.
Also, to all the companies that did not accept me as an intern, I must say that you’re losing a special intern. Especially you, McSweeney’s Internet Tendency.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Housekeeping
I have gotten feedback about the Mirror Experiment Arc from several of my friends. When I started the experiment, I did not think I was ugly. If I have any opinion on how I look, it leans towards thinking I’m pretty. I think I have a pretty cute nose - I even say it on the March 13th post! Goodness, I was on a run/stroll this morning at 6:45 am, gave the time to a passing stranger, was wrangled into a conversation about a coming-soon cheese and deli store (I have to tell Tiger Lilly about this), and in the course of that conversation was told I was pretty. I don’t have low self-esteem or poor body image! I don’t think I’m ugly! My purpose was to investigate the body, the spirit-self, and how other people see my spirit-self based on my physical interface.
If anything, I also liked the idea of watching. Without a mirror to remind me that other people could see me, it's almost like I was invisible. (Think of Morrison's image of Pecola wishing to dissolve into nothing but a pair of floating eyes. In the irrelevant vein of disembodied ocular organs, think of Emerson's floating eye, too. Er, maybe it was Thoreau's.) Not so, and the fact that other people see us, too, can be a dangerous thing to forget.
In my theory class, I have been getting frustrated because structuralists, feminists, and postmodernists we have discussed have been using complicated and roundabout language. Now I think I am beginning to understand just how difficult theoretical writing can be, and just how difficult it is to write quick blog posts without sending readers the wrong message about my self-esteem. Or anything else, for that matter.
If anything, I also liked the idea of watching. Without a mirror to remind me that other people could see me, it's almost like I was invisible. (Think of Morrison's image of Pecola wishing to dissolve into nothing but a pair of floating eyes. In the irrelevant vein of disembodied ocular organs, think of Emerson's floating eye, too. Er, maybe it was Thoreau's.) Not so, and the fact that other people see us, too, can be a dangerous thing to forget.
In my theory class, I have been getting frustrated because structuralists, feminists, and postmodernists we have discussed have been using complicated and roundabout language. Now I think I am beginning to understand just how difficult theoretical writing can be, and just how difficult it is to write quick blog posts without sending readers the wrong message about my self-esteem. Or anything else, for that matter.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
The Leg Experiment: Shedding the Cocoon
In starting the leg experiment, I had no clear goals in mind. I was tired of shaving, and I did not feel that I had to conform to social mores. Four months later, I still have no solid goals in mind, but I have more reasons to continue not to shave. I have two this time: one biological and the other social. Without the supple foaming action of shaving cream, my legs haven’t been regularly moisturized, and I think the skin might be getting more blemishes – and perhaps a little tougher.
I also want to see how people react to a young woman who does not shave her legs - this is the social component. I haven’t talked much about my leg hair with my friends, and neither have I been exposing my leg hair. Much of the time I wear pants or long skirts, but this will change. I’m still more than a little self-conscious about the length and darkness of my leg hair. I’ve shown the growth many a time to Boudica and to Lala; Boudica reassures me every Sunday before I go to Church that she can’t see my leg hair. With summer quickly approaching, the cocoon needs to be shed, and my social world will know that I have leg hair!
A few weeks ago during spring break, Morwen, Tex, Tiger Lilly, and I went to the beach. I could not hide my leg hair there, and as we hung out on the sand and meandered along the boardwalk, I was a little self-conscious. I watched other people’s eyes to see if they darted to my ankles. Of all the people whose faces I peered into, only one or two flicked their eyes towards my lower half. Even then, I can’t be sure if they were looking at my leg hair. Morwen, Tex, and Tiger Lilly said not a word about my leg hair, but they know, I’m sure of it. It’s hard to miss.
I felt more comfortable uncovering my legs at the beach because, aside from my three friends, I was rubbing shoulders with people I was never going to see again. It’s a little different when I’m sitting in class twice a week next to the same people. They don’t care, but I think they care, and therein lies the crux of the matter.
I also want to see how people react to a young woman who does not shave her legs - this is the social component. I haven’t talked much about my leg hair with my friends, and neither have I been exposing my leg hair. Much of the time I wear pants or long skirts, but this will change. I’m still more than a little self-conscious about the length and darkness of my leg hair. I’ve shown the growth many a time to Boudica and to Lala; Boudica reassures me every Sunday before I go to Church that she can’t see my leg hair. With summer quickly approaching, the cocoon needs to be shed, and my social world will know that I have leg hair!
A few weeks ago during spring break, Morwen, Tex, Tiger Lilly, and I went to the beach. I could not hide my leg hair there, and as we hung out on the sand and meandered along the boardwalk, I was a little self-conscious. I watched other people’s eyes to see if they darted to my ankles. Of all the people whose faces I peered into, only one or two flicked their eyes towards my lower half. Even then, I can’t be sure if they were looking at my leg hair. Morwen, Tex, and Tiger Lilly said not a word about my leg hair, but they know, I’m sure of it. It’s hard to miss.
I felt more comfortable uncovering my legs at the beach because, aside from my three friends, I was rubbing shoulders with people I was never going to see again. It’s a little different when I’m sitting in class twice a week next to the same people. They don’t care, but I think they care, and therein lies the crux of the matter.
Friday, April 2, 2010
Mormon Blogs
I was taking a look at some other blogs earlier today to get a better sense of what some other people are saying. So that no equivocations may be made, I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (popularly known in the media as "Mormons"). Mormon blogs have piqued my interest recently, and I became familiar with Brother Matsby's "My Religious Blog." It led me down the rabbit hole into a compendium of LDS blogs about children, marriage, and life at BYU (generally).
No comprehensive evaluation of the blog quality and content has been taken, but after one blog about how cute someone's kids are, I started to get bored. My dissociative personality order has arisen again: my nascent editor-self wanted to critique many of these blogs for craft and content. A few points about these people stood out to me, which I repeat below.
Someone thought everyone else appreciated her quality of "telling it like it is and appreciating [her] for it." Another person said she was a good driver, yet she had been in multiple accidents. A slightly more interesting blog critiques the U.S. government and says that his blog is the place where reason, rationality, and politics meet, but it makes swathing assumptions about people that would not be acceptable at a Californian liberal arts college and distorts the terms "common sense" and "reason."
This motions to the discrepancies between self-perception and how the self is perceived by others. Various ideas in my head are resounding about the spotlight effect and the individual's aggrandized view of self-importance, but I cannot critique more. I do the same thing myself. I want to resent these blogs because they're Mormons writing about themselves. Whether I don't like it because they're normal people trying to write about themselves, that they're not talking about religion, or that their writing gives Mormons a "bad intellectual name," I don't know. I want to distinguish myself from them; although Mormons have been officially encouraged to gain education by our Church leaders, an intellectual tradition still seems far from being realized. I feel that education is a means to an end for many Mormons - that end being a job. Sometimes, I feel that tug, too, to give up my intellectual pursuits and get a job because intellectual work is exhausting, and it's difficult to see sometimes what I am creating and producing.
However, I cannot remain in my caustic little bubble for long. I am touched by the endearing "list of things I will do" this year or throughout the course of my life; that reminds me of what my brother does, and what I have done as well. The irascible double-standard is encoded in my thought processes just as much as it is in anyone else's. I castigate the girl who's gotten into three car accidents while claiming still to be a good driver, but I accept the dreamer who wants to do a hundred improbable things before he dies. Perhaps because dreams are outside of the realm of the rational and go to the core of the individual's psyche. How can I judge the core of an individual? And despite our politics and intellects, dreams are something we all have in common.
No comprehensive evaluation of the blog quality and content has been taken, but after one blog about how cute someone's kids are, I started to get bored. My dissociative personality order has arisen again: my nascent editor-self wanted to critique many of these blogs for craft and content. A few points about these people stood out to me, which I repeat below.
Someone thought everyone else appreciated her quality of "telling it like it is and appreciating [her] for it." Another person said she was a good driver, yet she had been in multiple accidents. A slightly more interesting blog critiques the U.S. government and says that his blog is the place where reason, rationality, and politics meet, but it makes swathing assumptions about people that would not be acceptable at a Californian liberal arts college and distorts the terms "common sense" and "reason."
This motions to the discrepancies between self-perception and how the self is perceived by others. Various ideas in my head are resounding about the spotlight effect and the individual's aggrandized view of self-importance, but I cannot critique more. I do the same thing myself. I want to resent these blogs because they're Mormons writing about themselves. Whether I don't like it because they're normal people trying to write about themselves, that they're not talking about religion, or that their writing gives Mormons a "bad intellectual name," I don't know. I want to distinguish myself from them; although Mormons have been officially encouraged to gain education by our Church leaders, an intellectual tradition still seems far from being realized. I feel that education is a means to an end for many Mormons - that end being a job. Sometimes, I feel that tug, too, to give up my intellectual pursuits and get a job because intellectual work is exhausting, and it's difficult to see sometimes what I am creating and producing.
However, I cannot remain in my caustic little bubble for long. I am touched by the endearing "list of things I will do" this year or throughout the course of my life; that reminds me of what my brother does, and what I have done as well. The irascible double-standard is encoded in my thought processes just as much as it is in anyone else's. I castigate the girl who's gotten into three car accidents while claiming still to be a good driver, but I accept the dreamer who wants to do a hundred improbable things before he dies. Perhaps because dreams are outside of the realm of the rational and go to the core of the individual's psyche. How can I judge the core of an individual? And despite our politics and intellects, dreams are something we all have in common.
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